March 24th, 2008


The OldHorsman Rides Again: Rant = City Folks.

   Okay. Since I seem to have a computer that is actually compatible with this LiveJournal system again, maybe I'll recommence to venting over here. The boss-man over at LATOC says I oughtta' do an Ask the OldHorseman column, so if'n any of y'all have questions, let me know and I'll try to pick good ones out fer tacklin'. Mean time, I'm gonna rant about things that bug the livin' hell out of me... Starting with City Folks.

   Well, that ain't entirely accurate. City Folks don't bother me at all, when they stay in the city. In-fact, I kinda' like the city myself. Everything close-by and easy to get to. Lots of variety when it comes to restrants, entertainment, shopping, and people. City life rocks! But it just isn't right for me.

   What bugs me is when City Folks get the damned fool notion that they want to live outside of the city. They drive out into the countryside and see woods and pastures and fields. Notice the lack of traffic and noise. Then they decide they'd like to have a house out in the country...

   About five minutes after moving out of the city, these City Folks start trying to change the country. They don't like the dirt road dust on their houses and cars, so, instead of putting their houses back off the road aways and driving a beat-up pickup truck like Country Folks do, they start petitioning to have the roads paved. They're scared of the dark, so they have big-ass vapor lights installed that burn ALL NIGHT LONG and can be seen through the woods from miles around in the winter, then petition to have street lights put in along the newly paved roads. Instead of tolerating, fencing-out, or shooting troublesome critters like Country Folks do, these City Folks demand leash law enforcement and call animal control for every opossum that crosses their lawn. They don't like their hard well water, so, instead of deepening their well or adding a filtration system, they petition for city water. When the aromas of the country (freshly fertilized fields, chicken houses, hog pens in the summer) commence to wafting across the countryside, the City Folks scream "HEALTH HAZARD!" and demand regulation.

   City Folks build houses down the road from a long-established backyard shooting range, then want to close it down because they think guns are bad. They stack McMansions around an old juke-joint and then want to bitch about the loud music.

   Of course, it doesn't take long before the City Folks get tired of having to drive so far to get to Wal-Mart and McDonalds. So they hook up with the town and county politicians to try and bring in more "development" and businesses. (Like all politicians, the local vermin are only too happy to trash the countryside and small towns for more revenue and power.)

   Before you know it, the countryside has been transmogrified into so much sprawling city. Complete with traffic, noise, crime, and everything else people move out into the country to get away from... So the City Folks drive out another dozen miles or so into the country, and start the whole goddamned process again. Like a ring of fire, spreading and destroying everything rural.

   Living in the country is a wonderful thing, but the influx of squirrelly City Folks keeps ruining it. Country Folk are supposed to be able to let their teenagers walk down the road to Uncle Jimmy's woods carrying their .22s and shotguns without some panicky dipshit calling in a SWAT Team and getting every school in the county "locked-down". We're supposed to be able to work on a couple of old cars in our yard without some yuppie bitching about what we're doing to his "property values". We're supposed to be able to keep the twelve year old home to help around the farm now and then without some busybody calling Social Services.

   If you don't want to live in the country... I mean REALLY live in the country, with dirt road dust, well water, rednecks being rednecks, tractors holding-up traffic and all, then STAY THE FUCK IN THE CITY WHERE YOU BELONG! Trying to have the "best of both worlds" just messes up both.

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